Alitalia, for lack of a better word... sucks.

Sorry for the rant, but my first three days in Argentina were such an odyssey of mediocrity and dashed hopes - I had to share, for therapeutic reasons if nothing else.

Now, my trip began with a good luck beer at the airport, and a flawless nice quick flight from Luxembourg to Rome.

It was at Rome that things started to unravel.

After a 14 hour flight on a tired-looking 777, marked by a TV screen whose picture kept jumping around, dirty bathrooms, and a sad little breakfast of a few slices of meat, wilted lettuce, and nasty cheese, I was more than happy to get feet on firm ground.

At this point, I wouldn't have been too bothered - Alitalia was 200 bucks cheaper than the alternatives so I sort of picked my poison. Rather like an Italian-accented version RyanAir.

Somewhat blearily wandering off the plane, I joined the throngs at the baggage carousel and waited for my backpack to show up. And waited. And waited. Oh, yes, and I waited some more.

Even the die-hard American optimist in me had to give up the ghost when I saw the now-empty carousel grind to a halt, leaving a group of six fellow travellers to queue up at the lost luggage counter.

You know? Even at this point, it wasn't a big deal - bags get lost occasionally. Not a huge problem. I gave my hotel address and was told I had $50 to buy some stuff to tide me over until the next day, when my bag would be delivered.

She gave me a receipt, with two phone numbers on it in case I needed to call.

However, here's the sequence of events that is equally comic and frustrating in its thorough incompetence. If you have any shares in Alitalia - sell them, for the love of God. There's no way this nearly bankrupt airline is going anywhere but down.

• Full of optimism, I grabbed a shower, then hit the town to go exploring.
• Almost immediately, two pickpockets try the ol' "Bird Poo" scam - one spraying my only shirt with nastiness, and the other coming later to help clean me up. No thanks. (Not Alitalia's fault of course, but a sign that my first days in Buenos Aires were going to be a little frustrating)
• Back to the hostel for a shower and quick wash of my only t-shirt, then back out.
• Had a great day wandering around La Boca and San Telmo, but arriving back at 10pm, I learn that my bag had not arrived.
• Sigh. (Still not grumpy - these things happen.)
• The next morning, I called both numbers - no answer.
• For the next three hours, the kind hostel staff tried calling every 20 minutes - no answer. (Grumpiness increasing)
• While the staff were nice, the hostel was a dump, so I found a cool place in a much nicer part of town.
• On Alitalia's website - I find a UK #. No answer.
• Call the Argentina office #'s - calls don't go through.
• Even tried the US help #. No answer - and told "due to the # of baggage inquiries, please leave a message". Greeeeat.
• Wrote down the address for the local Alitalia office in Buenos Aires and set off.
• (Not Alitalia's fault) I take a wrong turn and add an extra 45 minutes of schlepping in the sun.
• Arrive at the office - which is (surprise!) boarded up. The grumpy security guard tells me the office has moved 10 blocks away.
• Arrive at THAT office - told they can't help, but that I can call a different number.
• Nice enough lady tells me that my baggage claim is marked resolved and there's no way to enter a my new hostel's address in the system.
• Actually, as a bonus, she has no way of contacting the airport staff - period.
• I try calling four different numbers at the airport. No answer.
• Ask an idle agent at the Alitalia office to help - tearing her away from her web browsing. She eventually does, with 'nary a smile, and no better luck.
• Eventually call the hostel, only to find that Alitalia tried to deliver the bag, but since no one answered, they took off again.
• Bigger sigh.
• Retreat to my now much cleaner new hostel, shower, and get some gin & tonics. Take several deep breaths. All in all - still beats working :)
• The next morning, in an amazing development, I called the same airport numbers and was speechless when (wonder of wonders!) someone actually answered. I literally didn't know what to do with the miracle of human communication - and my bag showed up in the afternoon.
• In a final twist, when filling out the badly formatted Word doc to claim my delayed baggage expenses, the form specifically says that all non-US residents must contact their local country's Alitalia office within 21 days.
• The kicker? Luxembourg doesn't even HAVE an Alitalia office, and I'm still waiting to hear from the UK office I contacted.

'course, I don't rant like this very often. I'm an upbeat person by nature, and I've loved my trip to Argentina - the scenery, the food, and the people were all amazing. But if life is full of teaching experiences - let's just say I'll never, ever fly Alitalia again.

(end of rant) ;)